Wednesday, 17 April 2013

That Green-Eyed Jealousy

Put yourself in a situation where in you are in a relationship that you thought is very strong. Then your partner asked you if it is okay to hang-out with someone, considered a friend, but a confidant on his/her every fall-out with past relationships. To throw more tensions in, yes, they used to flirt (lightly). 

Is it normal to say 'No, it's not okay!'? It is okay to be jealous?

I advised my friend ...

Give your partner that space to feel that you do trust completely. Do not expect the other to understand your jealousy. Jealousy is an insecurity. If you feel like you doubt that strong tie between you, then yes, you will feel jealous. Most of us pretend we are not. What we can not accept is the fact that we are not all that. That despite that declaration of love and trust -- we are still scared of that little chance of our partner getting tempted, getting swayed. And so we claim that they do not understand us, that all they want is for us to make the sacrifices, to always show the efforts, and pledge that endless understanding. We felt so defensive that we hope and we expect them to return the favour and in doing so, that they do the sacrifices themselves, to show efforts... and to understand us, too.

I believe that...
A relationship will stay strong if you will not treat your relationship as an exchange gifting. Like in a way that your partner's love has to be as much as how you feel. Like in a way that when you sacrificed something or someone, they have to sacrifice the same. That if you tried to be understanding all this time, it is time for them to understand you. No, a strong relationship is not that. If you want the strength of your relationship to last -- you have to learn how to work around each other's weakness. You have to be each other's weight to balance the prettiness and ugliness of A relationship. You both has to fill the holes and the gaps when the going gets tough. Because no one can help both of you get through anything except the both of you.

If you can get past that ugly jealousy and throw insecurities away.... then your relationship will sail smoothly pass through any storms of life 

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